Killing Ourselves Softly

I wish I were better at comedy.  There’s so many poignant topics I’d like to cover, but they’re hard to make funny.  “Comedy isn’t easy!” as they say.  For instance, kids aren’t dying left and right from “Facebook bullying.”  The fact that the media even covered it angers me.  Sixty year-olds kill themselves at a way higher rate than teens, yet celebrities aren’t reaching out to them.  “It gets better!”  According to the statistics, it doesn’t.  Unless you’re a millionaire celebrity.  God knows artists never die young from crippling anguish.

Facebook could even reduce suicide, because kids in small towns who don’t identify with anyone can find people like them online.  I got super depressed in high school, because I didn’t feel like I’d ever meet anyone like me, and irrationally assumed I’d end up dying alone.  The Simpsons and The Daily Show helped keep me going, because they talked about stuff I felt but couldn’t verbalise.  They helped let me know there was more than just my town.  Then, the first day of college, I cried because I was so happy to meet people who saw the world similarly.  I was one of the few kids who got homesick when he went home. 

Life has gotten better as I’ve learned to give myself a break.  As an uber-perfectionist, I have arguments with me all the time about how I should be nicer to myself, because he’s trying my best.  Then I get angry about the fact that I even had to have that conversation with me, and the process starts anew.  I enjoy writing and working at comedy.  It’s partially a release from all the crap that’s crammed between my ears.  Making jokes about the things that bother me gives me some perspective.  I sometimes wonder if it’s all just a diversion from addressing my “real problems,” but then again, I don’t really have any.  I have a job, friends, I enjoy comedy.  No relationship at the moment (ladies!), but I’ve yet to have a real strong desire to pursue one of those.  But I’m happier than I’ve been since I was a wee boy.

A few months back the courts tried Facebook bullies of this 14 year-old girl who committed suicide.  The news correspondent covering the trial ended his segment with, “It’s good to see fear and intimidation finally be held accountable.”  Then the news anchor replied, “Thanks Tim.  Up next, could you tell if the your loved ones were about the commit suicide?  The answer may surprise you.”  What the fuck!?!  That’s blatant fear and intimidation to get viewers to sit through the commercial break.  That’s mafia shit, “Sure, you don’t have to listen to us, but if you don’t, it’d be terrible if something happened to that family of yours.  Have a nice day!”  Then the next commercial is, “Hey pussy.  Awwww.  Not man enough to get that penis to work?  Viagra!  Give us your lunch money, limp dick!”  I will figure out how to make this funnier.


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